4/17/2024
Elijah McSwain, Sr.
Proverbs 15:1 NKJV — A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
The way that we respond and communication with other people is vitally important as it affects a person in either a positive or negative way. Our responses can build up another person or our responses can tear down others. Our responses can be beneficial or harmful to other individuals. The manner in which we respond will do either one of two things, stir up contention or promote peace. The way in which we communicate will cause dysfunctionality or advocate unity. Our interaction with other persons will cause division or lead to unification and resolve. The premise by which we engage those around us will draw people to us or push them away from us. Words have a profound and lasting effect on those in whom we come into contact with. The old idiom goes “sticks and stones may break my bones but words they never hurt.” The reality is the very opposite of that idiom, words do hurt.
Negative words leave scars. Harsh words break up homes. Cruel words end marriages. Critical words can drive wedges between families, friends, coworkers, teammates, and so forth.
Rachel Wolchin once spoke to the fact to “be mindful when it comes to your words. A string of some that don't mean much to you, may stick with someone else for a lifetime.” 1 It was stated by KushandWizdom that “words are free. It’s how you use them that may cost you.” 1 Proverbs 18:21 (NJKV) implies that “death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” The elements that spring forth the greatest amount of good or harm lies within the power of the oval cavity of the tongue and mouth. Therefore, as we embark upon governing our responses and communication let's begin by approaching this passage from an inverse perspective starting with the latter part of verse 1.
The Chaotic Uproar of Harsh Words
In the opening of this Proverbs, a stark contrast is given between harsh words and a soft answer in relation to the outcome for each response. The contrast is given in order that each listener may learn to govern his or her speech. If a person fails to properly govern his or her communication with others, then it will create an atmosphere of chaos. Proverbs 15:1b affirms this by the declaration that harsh words stir up anger.
Harsh words explicit things that are cruel, rigid, vulgar, insensitive, immature, unpleasant, unwholesome, and ungodly. When certain phrases that are associated with harsh words erupt out of a person’s mouth, the aim is often done with violent intent. Harsh words are violent in nature, done with a malicious objective in an effort to cause character assassinations, belittlement of others, display brutality to the welfare of another, cause emotional harm, and provoke others to engage in a feuding war of words.
Harsh words are designed to stir up anger. To stir up means that the fleshly sense of carnality within a person is heightened as a defense mechanism to utterly response to the provoked negativity of the aggressor. In simplicity, harsh words stir up anger as people are willing to get even by putting forth the effort and thriving by the motto “an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.” This well-known phrase “an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth” suggest that what a person or persons dish out to me will be dished back out to them. The thought process involves the idea of returning harsh words to the sender that are offensive, outlandish, and rude. Unfortunately, when people are offended, they feel that it is necessary and right to offend in return.
The words that we use are important because the wrong response can ignite a fire.
James 3:3-8 (NKJV) records that “indeed, we put bits in horses’ mouths that they may obey us, and we turn their whole body. Look also at ships: although they are so large and are driven by fierce winds, they are turned by a very small rudder wherever the pilot desires. Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things. See how great a forest a little fire kindles! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and creature of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by mankind. But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.”
An untamed tongue is destructive and divisive.
Albert Barnes placed emphasis on this truth. He alluded to the reality that the meaning of the horse illustration is, "that as we control a horse by the bit—though the bit is a small thing—so the body is controlled by the tongue. He who has a proper control over his tongue can govern his whole body, as he who holds a bridle governs and turns about the horse. The illustration about the ship is equally striking and obvious. A ship is a large object. It seems to be unmanageable by its vastness, and it is also impelled by driving storms. Yet it is easily managed by a small rudder; and he that has control of that, has control of the ship itself. So, it is with the tongue. It is a small member as compared with the body; in its size not unlike the rudder as compared with the ship. Yet the proper control of the tongue in respect to its influence on the whole man, is not unlike the control of the rudder in its power over the ship. The design of the tongue is to display its power and influence. This may be done in a great many respects: and the apostle does it by referring to its boasting; to the effects which it produces, resembling that of fire, to its untameableness; and to its giving utterance to the most inconsistent and inappropriate thoughts. The particular idea here is, that the tongue seems to be conscious of its influence and power and boasts largely of what it can do. It has all the influence in the world, for good or for evil, which it claims. The sense is that a very little fire is sufficient to ignite a large quantity of combustible materials, and that the tongue produces effects similar to that. A spark will kindle a lofty pile; and a word spoken by the tongue may set a neighborhood or a village ‘in a flame.’ The tongue is a fire which produces a ‘blaze,’ or a great conflagration. It produces a disturbance and an agitation that may be compared with the conflagration often produced by a spark." 2
With this in mind, it is only proper for us to consider……are we watching what we say and governing our responses? When we allow harsh words to roll off of our tongues, we allow it to stir up anger by the use of our poisonous speaking. Poisonous speaking is that which is harmful, injurious, and catastrophic. Such a manner of engagement through harsh activity is akin to the words of Psalm 140:3 as people who “sharpen their tongues like a serpent; the poison of asps is under their lips.” This same verbiage is described in Romans 3:13-14. “Their throat is an open tomb with their tongues they have practiced deceit. The poison of asps is under their lips, whose mouth is full of cursing and bitterness.”
Bitterness and foolish talk are bound in the heart of a harsh person. Inevitably, what is on the inside of a person will appear outwardly. A harsh person is driven by what consumes them, therefore, they act in accordance with what they know.
Proverbs 15:18a (ESV) paints the imagery that “a hot-tempered man stirs up strife.”
Proverbs 29:22 (NKJV) would add to that truth by stating “an angry man stirs up strife, and a furious man abounds in transgression.” A hot-headed and angry person loves a chaotic environment by any means necessary. The chaos that is boiling within is desired to be spread to others. Simone Weil stated that “a hurtful act is the transference to others of the degradation which we bear in ourselves.” 3 The old adage goes "misery loves company." For a person to speak harsh words really projects the degree of misery that is boiling within that individual. People who are truly unhappy will allow any little thing to set them off and, in the process, it is their aim to make the life of another person miserable as well.
As Christians, this should never be our aim. Our aim should be to edify one another as opposed to allowing harsh words to create barriers, cause division, and tear others down. Harshness is not in the genetic makeup of God’s people.
Our spiritual DNA is interwoven in the Spirit of God. Therefore, we should be governed by the fruit of the Spirit pertaining “love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law” (cf. Galatians 5:22-23). Our words should resemble the fruit of the Spirit and not works of the flesh, thereby, giving way for us to exhibit self-control to govern what we say. James 1:26 (NKJV) is written “if anyone among you thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one’s religion is useless.” Let us consider our speech because it speaks to our spiritual state.
The Blessedness of Wise Speech
The opening line of this Proverbs reveals that giving a soft answer is a blessing within itself in that it turns away wrath. A gentle response is able to prevent confrontation and conflicts.
The ability to use proper speech by giving a soft answer deflects the anger of others by changing the temperature our conversational atmosphere.
Our cognitive capability to use reasoning in addressing situations in a rational way can change the temper of those who are hostile and prevents us from becoming contentious and nasty in our attitudes and verbal expressions as well. A person’s response of exhibiting kindness can help contain the situation as opposed to things being blown out of proportion. Proverbs 15:28 (NKJV) mentions that “the heart of the righteous studies how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours forth evil.” Again, are we being cautious and thinking things through before we give an answer? Are we giving forethought to our responses or are we instantly replying based on our sinful impulses?
The basis of thinking through any situation helps us to allow the Lord to place a guard over our mouths. It is imperative to understand that some things are best not to be spoken. The competent logic of a guard being set over our mouths is not a means of being reliant upon ourselves but resting in the power of God. Psalm 141:3 (NKJV) insinuates “set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips.”
Does God have full control over the doors of your lips? Reliance upon the Lord enables us to refrain from speaking in an ill-advised manner. It helps us from saying things that are too late to take back once those words have traveled from our lips to the ears of the intended target.
Governing our responses through dependency upon God helps us to stay away from speech that is derogatory, condemning, abusive, deceitful, slanderous, degrading, demeaning, repulsive, and hateful. Allowing the Lord to tame our tongues will keep us from provoking others to wrath and instead we will use our speech to stir others to love and good works (cf. Hebrew 10:24). Ephesians 4:29 (NKJV) is penned “let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.” The words that we speak should build other individuals up through edification by imparting graciousness to those who are in our presence.
John MacArthur verbalized “the word for “corrupt” refers to that which is foul or rotten, such as spoiled fruit or putrid meat. Foul language of any sort should never pass a Christian’s lips, because it is totally out of character with his new life in Christ. The Christian’s speech should be instructive, encouraging, uplifting, (even when it must be corrective), and suited for the moment. Because believers have been saved by grace and kept by grace, they should live and speak with grace. Our Lord set the standard.” 4
In our exchange of words and dialogue with others, are we glorifying God in the way that we talk? The contents of a person’s speech reveal their heart. Prayerfully, the heart of every Christian showcases our love for God and our fellowman by every word the proceeds out of our mouths. God gives us a mandate to let every notion of evil speech but cast away from the course of our action and verbal activity. Ephesians 4:31 (NKJV) informs us to “let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.”
Children of God are to be known by the deeds of the new man and not by the fleshly ways of the old nature of sin. By having put on Christ (cf. Romans 13:14), believers are not to give themselves over to the works of the flesh. Corrupt speech is a result of yielding to the flesh but wholesome speech is tied to walking in accord with the Spirit. Galatians 5:16 (NKJV) pinpoints for us to “walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.”
The mental comprehension to govern our responses affords us the opportunity to not have to give an answer unto God for ever careless word that we speak. Matthew 12:36-37 (NKJV) describes this actuality “but I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment. “For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”
It is notated in The MacArthur Study Bible that “the most seemingly insignificant sin—even a slip of the tongue—carries the full potential of all hell’s evil (cf. James 3:6). No infraction against God’s holiness is therefore a trifling thing, and each person will ultimately give account of every such indiscretion. There is no truer indication of a bad tree than the bad fruit of speech. Every person is judged by his words, because they reveal the state of his heart.” 4
True Christian vernacular indicates that our speech is seasoned with the grace of God and reveals that our hearts are aligned with God’s Word. Does this mean that we will not fail from time to time in our use of words? No. However, our consistency of speaking honorable words testifies to the true measure of our hearts. The words that we speak as Christians should reveal the character of our hearts that we love God.
Does our speech glorify God or taint our testimony?
We really need to give great attention to the things that we say because God is taking note of what comes from our lips. Our words have spiritual implications associated with them whether we are truly following God or not. The Life Application Study Bible challenges us by posing these questions and statements. “What if everything we have ever said were to be played back for all to hear? Jesus reminds us that what we say reveals what is in our hearts. What kinds of words come from your mouth? They reveal what is in your heart. You can’t solve your heart problem, however, just by cleaning up your speech. You must ask the Holy Spirit to fill you with new attitudes and motives; then your speech will be cleansed at its source.” 5 Our communication can be governed through inner workings of the Holy Spirit. In turn, it will change the manner in which we conduct ourselves verbally.
In summation, who are we allowing to control our tongues?
References
https://www.inc.com/peter-economy/26-brilliant-quotes-on-the-super-power-of-words.html
Barnes Notes of the Old and New Testaments. James to Jude.
The MacArthur Study Bible
The Life Application Study Bible